Regret
by LionessCersei
Summary: While watching Sam marry Rosina Tess thinks back. (canon-compliant)


**I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't hate Tess. This is just a drabble of her thoughts at the end of the finale, as she watches Sam marry Rosina. It doesn't really paint her in a good light but does give her some humanity. Very angsty. Canon compliant.**

At first, she had considered getting close to him simply because she knew it would bother Demelza. The fact that he was very handsome hadn't hurt any either. It was only too bad that he was so intent on following the rules of this unjust society. Still, she hadn't approached him until some weeks after she'd taken notice of him. Why she wasn't sure, she had certainly never been shy around men before, but this time she hesitated. He was always with one of his siblings or Rosina anyway. He'd been spending a lot of time with the Hoblyn girl lately. Yet she was sure she could turn his attentions her way if she tried, so she wasn't quite sure what was stopping her.

It wasn't until Rosina's father, Jacka had come to her with a proposition. Jacka of course, hadn't at all liked the Carne boy's interest in his daughter. So when he offered Tess some of his cut from the ore stealing operation if she could only turn the Carne boys attention off of Rosina she had gladly accepted the task. That had given her the final push she needed to approach Sam Carne under the guise of an innocent girl, wanting to learn to read and learn more scripture. Both things she knew Sam as a Christian would feel obligated to help with.

At the time she hadn't thought much of her future plans, she just wanted him to notice her and forget Rosina, and of course, teach her how to read as reading would certainly help her in her schemes more. She knew she needed to learn more of the bible as well. Her mother and brothers were not big on either, though they did attend church for appearances, that was pretty much the extent of their religious knowledge. To fit in and be better trusted here though she would have to play the role of the good Christian girl and who better to teach her these things then the town Preacher? The enjoyment she got at distancing him from Rosina had certainly been a nice bonus as well. Mind you she had no ill will towards the girl, her lot in life was not any better than hers. However, it angered her how easily Rosina seemed to accept the unfairness of things. How friendly she was to everyone, That she would give another Carne boy a chance to break her heart was especially foolish. Jacka had been right in wanting Sam's attentions off of Rosina and that she would make some extra coin in doing so was only a bonus.

Tess wasn't sure she believed in all this bible stuff, but she found it easy to feign interest. However, as time wore on, in spite of herself, she had found herself actually growing somewhat attached to Sam. It hadn't been all studying, after a while, they had come to have conversations. They talked about their lives and hopes and dreams. Granted, most of what she'd told him she hadn't been completely honest about, except for her upbringing. He'd listened patiently when she'd told him stories of her childhood and she had surprised herself by doing the same for him. Her father had died when she had been just 12, leaving just her two older her brothers to support her mother and her. Sam had listened as she bemoaned how unfair it was that her brothers, barely men themselves had to work so hard for so little. She'd listened to his stories as well and learned how terrible his father had been.

After some time, she'd begun to worry that she was falling for him. Unfortunately, a preacher couldn't give her all that much. She'd still be poor and struggling, and probably expected to take going without gracefully even. If Sam had been even slightly able to see things her way then perhaps it would have worked. However, he was far too focused on always doing the right thing and seemed oblivious to just how unfair things truly were.

At first, she'd thought from what she had heard that Ross was much the same. Too set on doing "the right thing," but then she had been proven wrong when he'd pleasantly surprised her by turning on his country and joining the operation to steal ore. Or so she'd thought. Turned out she'd been wrong on both accounts and his plan all along had been to work undercover as a spy and incriminate them all. She was only lucky that she herself had been spared from jail.

If there was a God as Sam seemed so sure, she couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't let things play out in her favor in regards to the Poldarks. She would have helped to make things fair in this world where the gap between the rich and poor is so much. That was why the fire she had set had been for the best. Demelza should have died. Ross would have married her, then, after all, if he had been seduced before by one woman of a lower class, why not her? Tess had heard the rumors, how Ross had been heartbroken when his prior love had married another. He'd easily fallen into bed with the young kitchen maid and felt obligated to marry her. She hated Demelza, both for her luck and for not using her station to improve the lives of others. Sure she claimed to, but she wasn't doing nearly enough.

Demelza should have died in that fire. In Ross's mourning, she surely could have seduced him. Maybe she wouldn't have even needed to have fallen pregnant right away in order to marry him. The children were in rooms closer to Trudie, so likely they would have made it out with Prudie's help. If so Ross would have been looking for a mother figure for them and who better then someone who was already familiar with them?

To replace Demelza had been her goal when attempting to seduce Ross in the mine too. That he would send Demelza away, hopefully with the children as well and then she could be the mistress of Namparia. Of course, it hadn't worked out that way. His interest in her had been feigned to keep her from suspicion and it had worked. He'd made her feel quite the fool in the end. She was supposed to be the one fooling people, not the other way around. Now the whole town probably knew of her flirtation with a married man and her prospects would be even fewer. It was certainly less likely she'd now be able to luck out as Demelza did and marry up to improve her station. She may as well have continued her visits with Sam and waited for him to propose as she was unlikely to do any better now if she stayed in Cornwall.

Unlike so many of the men that she came across Sam would have made a decent husband in some ways, but Ross's estate had been the bigger attraction in the end and she cursed Ross for his feigned interest in her. She supposed that some good had come out of it though, for if Ross had outright objected her advances perhaps she'd have continued her studies with Sam. She'd never have been happy with Sam and what little he could have given her. Still, she couldn't help but feel a pang of regret as she watched him smile at Rosina as he recited his vows.

**Reviews much welcome.**


End file.
